The Stories We Tell Ourselves....

My early memories are shrouded in a low hanging mist of uncertainty,  a fog that enveloped me for most of my young life.  I understood the world passively through impressions and language.  I perceived the world from the point of view of a bystander, from the corner of the room, watching.  It seemed that life was something that was happening to me, or a movie I was watching, instead of something I initiated, directed, and took part in.  And this, it seemed, was the biggest difference between me and the children around me.  They did not observe the world and falter at the thought of joining it.  They were simply a part of it.  I envied them.   

How does one learn to be in this world?   

I didn’t even realize this was the question I needed to ask.  Clarity alluded me for so long.  I was a storyteller, the narrator in the corner of room, spinning stories authored by Fear.

I was scared of the world.  I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be a part of it.  

How does one learn to be in this world?  

Today, I am a scientist studying this question.  

I theorize and experiment.  

I read, I practice, I fail, I succeed, and nothing is ever as difficult or scary as I imagine it.  I keep going.  I realize there is no substitute for direct experience.

 

I let go of fear, incrementally, in small moments strung together over a decade or more.  

I put paint on canvas and words on paper.  I create as well as observe.

I do yoga.  I practice mindfulness.  Progress comes in fits and starts.  I gain ground, I lose ground, I get sidetracked.  

I am hard on myself…..way too hard on myself.  I keep telling myself its what happens when Fear gets its feathers ruffled.     

"Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening, stories that get in the way of .direct experience. Often such stories treat a fleeting state of mind as if it were our entire and permanent self." -Sharon Salzberg

Am I still telling myself stories?

Yes.  

But now, at least, I recognize it and understand its power.

We are all telling stories.  We create and determine our lives through the stories we tell ourselves. We can listen to the ones woven in fear, or choose to listen to the ones woven in love.  We can choose which we tell, which we listen to, and which we believe.  We can end a story that no longer fits us.  We can create a new one.  But, above all else, we must know it is a story.

The Matrix, Grace, & Yoga

I like to think that we are all apart of the Matrix.  Not the evil artificial intelligence matrix created by the machines to keep us humans enslaved (Thank you Keanu Reeves for being "the one").  I am actually talking about another matrix.  

The matrix of LIFE.  

As in, "Dearly Beloved, We are all gathered here today to get through this thing called LIFE. (Thank you, Prince.)  

Prince was onto something.
We are all gathered....and also interwoven and interconnected through a mysterious web of infinite energy which we call the universe.  And, if we are lucky enough to realize that we have a direct line to that limitless and infinite energy potential, we quickly realize there's no need to "go crazy" (sorry, Prince, you can't win them all).  

Your direct line to this Matrix may be plainly evident to you or more obscured.  Your connection might be clearest when you are running, or painting, or cooking.  Or, if you're Prince, when you are playing guitar.

My connection comes to me through my hatha yoga practice.  

My movement is my prayer, my offering to the Matrix, and when I align myself just so, I am released of my straining and struggling and the Matrix fills me with Grace.  I've been studying how to commune with Grace for sixteen years and, over the last two, I've made remarkable progress because of my ability to tap into the power of the bandhas.   

You see, there are three bandha (locks) in the body that yogis activate and use to control the flow of prana (life force) in a pose.  Imagine this, at any given moment, you have available to you a limitless supply of prana.  It is available to you in your food, water, and breath.  It is available in every molecule of your environment (the Matrix!).  

But, because you are mostly unaware of this abundant, but subtle supply of energy, you rarely connect to it and you are, in fact, "leaking" it, like a pail with a hole in it. It is flowing into and then out of you without you ever having the awareness that you could "lock" it into the vertical axis of your body and saturate yourself in it's magnificent white light unlimited glory.  

Grace.

Want to be filled with Grace?  

It all starts with mula bandha, a contraction or drawing in of the pelvic floor muscles toward center (similar to a Kegel exercise for you ladies out there).  This is where we repair the hole in the bottom of the leaky pail.  The perineum is a diamond shape floor of muscle with the pubis bone to the front, the right and left sitting bones to the sides, and the coccyx to the rear.  If you sit in Sukhasana (easy pose) with your pelvis neutral, sitting bones drawn back, you can visualize and connect to these muscles.  Then use your mind power to control those muscles and draw each corner slowly and evenly to center in a muscular contraction. Center should be the bottom of spinal axis.  

This may be difficult to feel at first.  No worries, simply stay focused on it without putting too much pressure on yourself.  The mind is a powerful tool and the body responds to repetition.  Its only a matter of time before you will feel the root lock close and you will know it -- because BOOM!  you will feel your initial jolt of upward bound energy.

So, you've locked in the energy and it needs to move -- so it starts traveling back up.  This is great!  Power pours into the hips and sacral area, but may get stuck at the solar plexus if you don't activate the next lock -- Uddiyana Bandha.  

Uddiyana Bandha is performed by focusing in on the muscles located just behind the belly button.  We must draw these muscles in and up to activate Uddiyana Bandha -- It translates to "flying up" and truly feels just that way when properly engaged.  The energy lifts into the thoracic cavity around the heart and lungs and spreads up to the throat. This was the most difficult bandha for me to engage.  I have had to isolate and work with just this bandha in many different poses to figure it out.  One tip I can give you is this:  if you are  seated in Baddhakonansana (Bound Angle) with mula bandha engaged, your knees will move toward the floor if you properly engage uddiyana bandha.  (If you want more ideas, comment below or private message me.)  Also, if you are truly relying on the subtle energy and not straining your abs, the exterior belly muscles stay relaxed and soft and you feel the deeper abdominal muscles pulling in and hugging the spine -- like a very supportive, but comfortable corset.  Additionally, the heart lifts with ease when Uddiyana Bandha is in effect.   

Finally, the energy has reached the last bandha -- Jalahara bandha, or throat lock.  This is the simplest of the bandhas to perform and is done by moving the chin to the sternum, with the back of the neck kept long.  This seals the energy into the spinal axis where it stay and continues to circulate until you decide its time to relese all of the bandhas.  Grace.   

Effortless, peaceful awareness of your unique place in the Matrix .... empty of struggle, filled with Grace.  This is my prayer for you in your yoga practice, in your life, in all your passions and creations.

Namaste~
Tammie

Five Morning Routine Lifestyle Changes That Have Changed My Life

Five Morning Routine Lifestyle Changes That Have Changed My Life 

(And can be done in 10-15 minutes while you get your coffee & shower)

1.  Drink lemon water first thing upon waking in the morning.  It helps us to "break the fast" of our sleep by flushing and detoxifying the body. 

 

2.  Thump or tap meridian points on the body each morning after your shower to activate, engage, and coordinate the major energy pathways of the body.  

(Try "The Wake Up" Routine from Energy Medicine Yoga by Lauren Walker -- I HIGHLY recommend this book as a self care guide for a practicing yogi!)

http://www.yogajournal.com/slideshow/100-energy-charge-yoga-warm-up/

3.  Squat daily.  And poop in the morning!  Squatting increases flexibility and helps to clear the bowels.  Eliminating waste earlier in the day helps prevent the reabsorption of toxins through the intestine throughout the day.

4.  Buy a Neti Pot.  And use it.  Everyday.  It cleanses the sinuses and nasal passages of allergens and environmental irritants that are prevalent today.  It also clears pathways where energy can often get stuck.

5.  GUT CHECK!  You have an Enteric Nervous System.  Now that you know, take care of it.  The linings of the intestines contain: 

*millions of nerve endings (ever get a "gut feeling"?)

*colonies of bacteria (hopefully) that keep the immune system in tip top shape

*more serontonin (the hormone responsible for a sense of well-being) than the brain

So, take a probiotic supplement, drink kombucha, "massage" your intestines through a yogic cleaning ritual know known as Agni sara, and practice yoga poses that connect you to your core power regularly.

Your body is an amazing and complex vehicle for your soul.  Take care of it and it will take care of you.

Namaste~

Tammie

Give Yourself Permission to Develop as Only You Can

I decided I needed a guru.... an anchor, a compass, a guide....to help me navigate my yoga journey a few years after completing my teacher training and becoming a mom.  The decision came to me suddenly and I knew it was the right one.  I committed myself immediately (without second guessing, which is actually extraordinary for me) and threw myself into being the ultimate student.  I made broad, sweeping lifestyle changes all at once. I was sure that I should and could be doing everything my guru suggested (even though he repeatedly told me that everyone articulates the teachings as only they can understand them and at the time that is right for them).  

Let me just tell you, this was an epic fail.  I was a new mom with two toddlers at home.  My body was a stranger, completely rearranged by labor and delivery.  And, as much as I needed the connection to the yogic lifestyle, I did not need to be putting so much pressure on my transitioning self.  I didn't enjoy or see benefits from any of the things I was trying to do because, developmentally, I wasn't ready to be practicing these things.  I was only ready to be "exposed" to the ideas.

After overwhelming myself for a year with monthly fasting rituals, breathing Kriya and sitting in meditation at dawn, and the enormously complex study of astrology, I slowly let go of  the expectation that any of those things would happen regularly in my daily life because my daily life required immediate attention in other areas.  Of course, all of these things were of great interest to me and I was grateful that the seeds were planted, but I realized that no permanent changes were ready to take hold.  This surrender was the very thing that freed me to build a foundation that I could keep developing and evolving in the direction that was right for me at the time it was right for me.

When we practice hatha yoga, we always build the foundation of the pose first.  In standing poses,you set the feet properly first.  They create a foundation line that you literally build on top of as you articulate the pose.  The same is true when you build a house or anything in this life....... And my foundation was not ready.  I had to establish myself as a mom, relating to my husband and two children in a completely new role and continue my hatha yoga practice.  Anything else was extraneous for me at that moment.  

Now that I'm 12 years further down the yoga road, I find myself making some small lifestyle changes one at a time as they become relevant to me.  I find that real change happens when:   a) the timing is right, and, b) it is relevant to your life.  

I can say now that maybe fasting is a practice I need to modify and wait to do until I'm not in the throws of raising children.  And I realize that by following some simple Ayurvedic principles and eating practices, I can come close to achieving at least one thing that I wished to achieve by fasting anyway -- detoxification.  I've realized I'm only now getting really familiar with my subtle energy pathways that would allow me to breathe Kriya successfully.  I wasn't ready 12 years ago, but maybe I am now.....or will be soon.  Maybe I will interpret the practice a little differently than my guru; maybe that's okay. 

I think its important to realize that we all develop at our own unique rates, just as flowers blossom only when they're ready -- never when they are forced.  

Its important to understand that "exposure" to ideas may have to happen again and again before a concept can be understood, developed, and articulated by a person.  

So, give yourself permission to expose, interpret, and develop as only you can -- as only you know how -- on your yogic path.  

There is no right.  There is no wrong.  There is only YOU, exploring what brings you balance and equanimity for a harmonious life.

Take care and be gentle with yourself.


Namaste~
Tammie


PS.  More coming soon about the "small changes" that have been working for me!!

Yoga. For REAL people.

If you live in present day US, and you are not a skinny white woman doing intricate arm balances while modeling fashionable yoga wear, then you may have doubts as to whether yoga is for you................ a REAL person with a REAL body who struggles with flexibility, or balance, or strength.  

You probably think this because yoga has been largely marketed to skinny white women of a certain age.   

Don't believe the marketing machine.  

Sure, sometimes yoga looks likes skinny white women in Lululemon.  
Sometimes it looks like Indian men in ashrams.
Sometimes it looks like a new age hippie wearing birkenstocks and carrying crystals.

But, let me tell you from experience, it also looks like:

the 60 something lady with a sprained wrist who comes to class despite her injury to do just do what she can do and focus on her breath, 

or the 50 something guy whose hamstrings are super tight from a lifetime of overexertion who just wants to feel and sleep better, 

or the plus size 30 something lady who articulates every single pose with stability and balance that make me a tiny bit jealous, but mostly happy.

If you believe yoga is not for you because you are:

"not flexible"

"too fat"

not white

not female

not able to "shut off your mind"

not able to relax 

don't look good in yoga pants

Then, you may want to re-think the whole yoga thing. 

Instead, ask yourself if you want to experience anything from this list:

To know the self better.

To merge body, mind, and breath, so as to become a vessel for Spirit.

To feel healthier, more energetic, and happier.

To age gracefully.

To find greater compassion for self, and, ultimately, for others.

To feel at home in one's own skin and in one's own life.

Yoga is for the Individual who wishes to commune with Life.  If you want to achieve any of the results listed above, then yoga just might be for you!  Give it a try.

Namaste~

Tammie

Yoga Practice: Patience

If you are practicing yoga, you better get used to Practicing Patience. 

Inhale.  Patience.  
Pause.  Patience.  
Exhale.  Patience.

Patience is slow......... 
and I know how you might feel about that because I have been guilty of the same. 

Let's face it, not every day on your mat is a fireworks display.  

There can be long periods without visible progress or growth.  Without patience, your practice could feel repetitive or empty.  Because Practicing Patience is slow, it can feel counter intuitive to goal achievement (especially in our culture) where some marketing person is constantly telling you that there's a better, faster, easier way.  Don't believe the hype! 

Practice & Patience are key.  Here's why:

1. Yoga is a practice.   (which means you practice it.....over.....and over.....and over again.  without fail....)    

Think about this:  The Beatles performed live together more than any other group in history.  They had a "practice" of over 10,000 hours of experience before they ever invaded the US.  (Read Outliers for more info on that 10,000 hour rule) 


2. Patience is the key to accepting the space of time it takes for the "practice" to become REAL CHANGE (not just physical results) in our bodies, minds, and spirits. (Patience is the building upon building of concepts that become ingrained into our cells, our psyches, and our souls....)

Think about this:   
Practicing Patience is the key to Presence. 
Presence is the key to the Divine. 
Patience transforms our experience of the ordinary into something sublime by increasing our Presence.......Instead of tiring of your thousandth down dog, you revel in its myriad of intricacies, how you can experience it differently every time you observe yourself in it, how it transforms your inner body landscape into spacious plains and endless horizons of possibility.                



May you find peace in your practice.
May you find presence in your patience.
May your experience of life be transformed.

Shanti~
Tammie

Summer & Kids & Self Discovery

Shanti, Friends,

I am honored and excited to be a part of several fun kids yoga events this summer.   I believe summer is a magical time for self exploration, especially during childhood.  Unstructured time, longer hours of light, warmer temps....they all combine and create an atmosphere ripe with potential for self discovery.


Yesterday, I started a dialogue with my kids to get them thinking with these questions:


What do you do when not every moment of your day is accounted for and structured by someone else?  

What catches your interest and inspires you? 

Does the amount of time you are spending on activities accurately reflect what you say interests you?


Summer is ripe with possibility and potential and amazing growth because it allows children to explore themselves without too many demands or external pressure.  But its important for them to realize that the time is precious, a privilege, a gift.....because it allows us to explore what is in our hearts and minds.   

In my mid twenties I became depressed.   was in a state of constant anxiety.  And I remember finally asking myself one day when the last time I felt happy was.... (after looking for all sorts of external validation to fill the holes).  It was as a child......playing.  

So, I asked myself:

"What did you do when you were a child?"

(Its the smartest question I ever asked myself.)  



The answer was:

play make believe
dance, do backbends
look at the world upside down 
read
draw, color, and paint



I started to incorporate those activities into my life and slowly happiness started to emerge and bubble up from within me as I began to feel, well,  more like............me!

And now I do back bends and headstands for a living!  

So, let your kids (or  yourself)  free play this summer and watch what bubbles up in them and you.  

Namaste~
Tammie